i have stood on the very most southern tip of the earth that met the ocean till the next mass of earth would be antartica… did you know that? I have lived all over this globe and raised my glass with locals of locales many a time. i am old fashioned, i am an old soul, i have a heart that may be old, but shines like new. i have fallen in love so madly, deeply, intensely, more than some humans will ever even know, or be fortunate to even know how that feels. but in some ways may be better off to never have that feeling to compair to, right? for the fact that ever day you are reminded that this “love” is no longer there… or for the fact that this love was something you dreamt and can’t even close your eyes again to get back, it’s gone…. i’ve come to terms with this about 4 years ago. and yes i am open to loving again, and yes, i will love like that again… i don’t have much time to myself, never really was fond of being alone, because it then makes you confront yourself, right? but having a small amount of time these days allows me to think, a little more than i would like to, but none the less, i allow it. sometimes i feel like i stop my brain from continuing to breath, i shut it off, i shut it down. then i wake up, put on some clothes, make my knuckles bleed a little more, shut down, wake up, sacrifice, shut down, wake up, try harder, shut down, wake up, fake a smile, shut down, wake up, think, shut down, wake up, make myself believe i’m better than this, shut down, wake up, try again and again and again, shut down, wake up, think about my father, shut down, wake up, think about my mother, shut down, wake up… wake the fuck up jessica!
Posted on Saturday, 8 January 2011
